Back from the Terror Tour. Highlights, lowlights and stage lights from the UK Subs Tour- SF kicked balls. Fat Mike, parts of Rancid, Neurosis, and DRI
where all in the house. I have seen all of these bands play, now
I can say that they have seen me play...pretty wild shit for sure.
Bonus props for Mikeo letting us stay at her house for the millionth
time. Seattle- Highlight was lunch at the Acropolis in Portland on the
way up. The show was fine and dandy but if you have ever been
to this strip joint you know the deal. Thrasher named it the number
one place on the planet to eat lunch, nuff said. Portland- Show went all right. We met a pretty scary lady in
a dress that was way too small for her largeness. She flipped
boogers at people. Yikes. Denver- We haven't played a "real" show here in over a year. Good
times for sure. Highlight goes to watching Joey get choked by
my room mate. Lincoln- A disappointing turnout, but the kids that did show up
were cool as can be. The show was sponsored by Bud. They didn't
send a rep so we didn't get any free beer. . .lame. Omaha- Heeeellyaaaz. The kids there came to tear this place in
half. Extra bonus highlight goes to the punks from Kansas who
drove up to the show and brought me a handle of Rum. Our fans
rule. Milwaukee- Sucked. Lots of people, but they looked confused. Like
they didn't know what to do. No dancing, no clapping, no booing,
just a lot of standing around. Highlights were the guys that drove
down from some place or another and got me drunk at the bar next
door because it was a dry show. Much props fellas. Extra credit for Wis- The 14 year old girls slumber party that
was happening in the motel we stayed at was pretty damn fun. We
scared them and maybe even scarred them, but they were troopers
to let us hang out. The afore mentioned bottle of rum was defiantly
rolled out for this one. Toledo- Show was weak, but they had a ton of booze back stage.
This leads Paige down an epic battle with a bottle of wine. The
alley behind the club loses when Paige vomits all over it. Detroit- We showed up to the club and there is a man passed out
at the door. As we get out of the van he pisses himself. Ahh Detroit. Cleveland- Oh Bouy!!!! Mistress Kickyourf@ckingass was there.
She found a paddle in the basement of the club and beat the crap
out of us. Even Mr. Food took some licks. As a side note to anyone
that has been following us this is the same girl that gave our
roadie a black eye last spring. You go Girl. Springfield Va- Brian from the Subs thinks it would be funny to
get me drunk. A Herculean task as it is, he gets the job done.
Shots of Goldshlager and Jager along with my per diem of 15-20
beers puts me under the table. I end up in the breakfast area
of a Holiday Inn at 6 am screaming bin Laden is a c@cksucker at
the morning news. My drunken screaming is much to the dismay of
the 30-40 senior citizens who now think I'm more of an anti-christ
then he is. NY NY- You know the deal. What they don't tell you on the news
though is that Broadway is a ghost town. Erie shit for sure. CBGB's the birth place of Punk rock- There was a ton of people
there and shit was off the hook. To quote Eddie Spaghetti "It's
My Kick Ass Life" After the Show Gen (the super merch girl) wants
to go to her Grandma's or some shit. Grandma lives in Staten Island.
We were all messed up from going to look at the WTC, plus we were
drunk, tired, and lost. Me and Gen got into it and I kicked her
out of the van. I felt bad but I couldn't take it one more second
. Allentown Pa- Tension was high as can be at the show. Some old
butt hole was telling me I didn't know what punk rock was because
I hadn't been there when the Germans stormed Vietnam or something
just as retarded. The Subs were pissed because they thought we
were stealing their beer, and Gen wouldn't talk to us because
we dumped her ass the night before. Plus the club had some noise
gate on us. It was for shit. We just let go with a fury that
night. No joking around, no bullshit, the PA sucked but it didn't
matter. I wanted to kill someone. New Haven- The first of the a-hole promoters. He wants us to open
a five band bill, he wont give us our beer, and he is just an
all round ass. He and I start to get into it in the street, tension
is getting pretty high. The rest of the band is just sort of waiting
around for the first blow. He finally caves and gives us what
he is supposed to. I don't think he understood that everyone in
our van at this point has declared war with the world and is ready
to erupt. Baltimore- Again, we get into with the promoters. These guys are
way cooler though, we get burned in the end, but I didn't feel
that bad about it. During the show the moron brothers are breaking
glass and fighting anything that moves. I though this would be
the end of the breaking bottles. . . I'm proved wrong a few weeks
later. After the show we went to the Morphious compound. Those
guys rule. Anyone looking to get cd's made should get in contact
with them (www.morphious.com). Plus I met a super cool girl there.
. . she didn't make me pancakes or anything, but she still ruled. Tampa- It's a triple play. . . the promoter screws us again. Why
do they even sign the contracts? Anyway, enought about the promoter.
This night had way too many other things going on. Starting with
the Girlie Freak Show. They blow fire out of their pussy and let
enough electricity run through them that they can light a light
bulb in their mouths. If you get a chance, they are worth seeing.
After the show things go haywire. First someone slashed our tires
while we were playing, so Paige and I are trying to fix the tire
with some dude as it's raining balls. All of our gear is on the
street getting wet. Paige and I are losing it trying to deal.
Mr. Food is leaving the tour that night so he didn't care, Todd
is in the Bus with the Girlie Freak Show and Gen is passed out
in a puddle between two large piles of her own vomit. RAD. To
top the story off I was messing around with a girl earlier in
the night and she had to go so I jacked off into a plastic bag...beautiful! Mr. Foods Last stand- On the way down to New Orleans we dropped
Mr. Food off at a gas station so he could catch a cab to the airport.
It was pretty weird, no one said anything. It was like he got
out to take a piss and we just rolled with out him (he is still
our drummer, he just didn't finish the tour). Todd was passed
out, Gen and Food we're not getting along and Paige and I were
still bickering over the tire. New Orleans- At this point we needed a day off bad and some new
blood in the van. We got to town, got my brother Al, and went
to the French Quarter to get wrecked. The Big Easy ain't no joke.
Where the bourbon flows and the bars don't close! We drank until
7 am when Al had to go to school to take a test before he could
leave for tour. Houston- KICKED ASS. There where tons of people there ready to
rock out. Al hadn't played drums with us in 4 months and was
a little rusty but no one gave him any shit. Besides the show
being killer our home girl flew in to see us and got us a room
afterward. Large shouts out to Chris And Brandi. San Antonio- How cool was this show. . .? When we got there the
bartender was all stoked to meet us and kept feeding us extra
drinks, plus she flowed about $40 in free red bull. After the
show she took all nine of us (subs included) back to stay at her
house, then the next day she tried valiantly to hook Nicky up
with her moms. Yea baby, you rule. Besides the killer bartender
the show was packed and kids were going off. Milwaukee, take notes.
Courpus Christy- One man running with a knife and 30-40 kids chasing
him. Madness. Dallas- We stunk the place up. A train wreck of a show. I think
we've played with the Hellions four times in Dallas now and every
time they kick ass and we blowout. Tempe- What happened here????? The promoter forgot what the key
word is in his name "promote". No flyers, no print no nothing.
A few punks knew about the show because of Gen and our friends.
The strangeness comes out when we find that the show was double
booked with a sorority costume party. A friend of mine put it
best when he said "it's like Vikings at a Bar Mitzvah." Extra
points for the smashing of the pinata, the chocolate throwing,
and the size-huge bunny mask I played in. It lacked a mouth piece
so I had to sing out of the eye hole. Bakersfield- We got to the show and there was a line down the
ally, Yea! Then they said we had to load in through the line,
No! The show was off the wall. the stage was only about a foot
high and there was kids all over us, tripping over shit, you couldn't
move. Plus they were beating the crap out of each other. It seemed
like every kid that came by was bleeding. BF puts LA to shame. Corona- The place was packed and they hated us they thought we
were metalheads. Whatever, we'll get them tomorrow... LA- The place was packed and they hated us they thought we were
metalheads. After the show I was sitting outside on Santa Monica Blvd. and
some guy came by and gave me a bunch of what I thought was cocaine.
I got destroyed on his stuff & kissed a 50+ year old Transvestite,
what was that that strnge powder ? (just say no? why didn't I
listen?) After about 20 seconds of that maddness we got in the
van and went home. Thanks for listening... Punk Rawk! Last Up Dated Nov 21th, 2001 New Haven Con. Smiley Emily with the photos Blue Moon Recordings 2075 S. University Blvd. #264 Denver, Co. 80210
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These Three photos were shot in Omaha I can't find the shooters
name. If you know who took them please tell us.
Mr Fucking Funny Guy Food took these photos behind the club in
Toledo.